January 27, 2015

Unlike other third world nannytatorships like Germany, New Zealand, and Scandinavia, France does not maintain a list of approved baby names. It merely grants "civil control officers" of the state the unchecked authority to veto your baby name choices. You can name your kid anything you want in France, unless some clerk decides it's not in the kid's best interest.

And so one couple who had a girl in September was recently informed that,

"le prénom « Nutella » donné à l'enfant correspond au nom commercial d'une pâte à tartiner. Et il est contraire à l'intérêt de l'enfant d'être affublé d'un tel prénom qui ne peut qu'entraîner des moqueries ou des réflexions désobligeantes. »

[The name "Nutella" given to the infant corresponds to the brand name of a (ridiculously awesome chocolate hazelnut) spread. And it is contrary to the interest of the infant to be saddled with such a name which can only lead to mockery or disparaging thoughts.]

And another couple, who had a girl in October, was told that they were equally not at liberty to name their kid Fraise, which is French for strawberry:
« le prénom de Fraise...sera nécessairement à l'origine de moquerie notamment l'utilisation de l'expression ramène ta fraise, ce qui ne peut qu'avoir des répercussions néfastes sur l'enfant »

[The given name Strawberry will necessarily be the source of mockery, notably the use of the expression, 'Bring your strawberry,' (the equivalent of 'Get your butt over here') which cannot but have adverse repercussions for the infant.]

I guess coming from the United States, where we're free to name our kids Adolf Hitler if we want to [though true, they might get taken by Child Services later], I just don't see what the problem is.

Actually, I think the problem is that these French officials have combined an unnecessarily bleak view of humanity, where mockery is the norm, with a deluded self-regard that their forcing a conformist name over the wishes of the parents is somehow going to save the kid from a life of bullying. Given the chance, kids will always find a way.

« Nutella », « Fraise »: le tribunal de Valenciennes refuse les prénoms de deux bébés [lavoixdunord via dt reader nathan]
Previously, I mean, seriously, just listen to Strawberry Saroyan: Strawberry, Apple. Apple, Strawberry

January 23, 2015

The Daddy Types Friday Freakout is a compendium of news stories from the worlds of science, health, and parenting, saved up during the week and unleashed here all at once to freak. you out:


  • Though one could easily say, "There's arsenic in rice, and now it's in us!" and be done with this link, Heather Abel's essay is a wonderful, thoughtful, and constructive look at the freakout process itself, and thus, our existence as parents and humans. Read it all. [nyt]

  • Doctors, hospitals, birthing centers, midwives, doulas, everybody, should work to intervene less and to make childbirth less manipulated and stressful. Really, it's mostly the doctors and hospitals who need to chill. [childbirthconnection.org via nyt]

  • How serious is the Disney Measles outbreak? Disney is telling unvaccinated kids to stay away from Disneyland. That's like half the population of O.C. these days. guardian]

  • There are dozens of villages in India where a girl hasn't been born for years. Some regions have 2:1 boy-to-girl ratios, which is insane. [indiatimes]

Bwahaha, at first I was like LOL, then LMAO, then ROTFLMAO, and then I was like, FULL STOP, AS YET UNIDENTIFIED ADVERTISER.

Advertiser who was making me laugh at parenting stereotypes one second, but who the next compels me to wince at child in danger.

REVEAL YOURSELF, O BRAZEN MANIPULATOR OF MY EMOTIONS FOR YOUR UNACKNOWLEDGED COMMERCIAL PURPOSES.

And it's freakin' Similac. Baby formula. I have just been played--hard--by Big Formula.

What just happened, exactly?

What was it we were laughing at and judging each other about the moment before we were forced to share our common terror for a baby's drowning, and then transfer our feelings of blessed relief to a can of formula? At first it seemed like it was the universal sense of clueless superiority engaged parents of every flavor feel, and the passive aggressive stridency with which they judge every other type of parent.

Well, almost universal. The trio of baffled, babywearing moms are not throwing the shade; they're just watching it fly. They are the ones we, the viewer, are supposed to identify with, even if we see or hear ourselves elsewhere on the playground.

But the seeming diversity of parenting tribes masks the real source of conflict: bottle vs breast. The flagrant feeders whipping it out, the militant coverwearers, the pumping professionals, the dads dropping and getting called on received wisdom ["Well it IS all about the breast." "No it isn't."] Everything boils down to formula.

I can totally see how the world might seem that way to a formula marketer. When you take it apart, this commercial and its demographics and their respective punchlines feels like it comes straight from a focus group. Similac is re-enacting the consumer anxieties they facilitated in hours and hours of guided group sessions. And then they shoehorned all the pullquotes into a three minute supercut of caricatures and shameless exploitation.

And after being played like this, we are supposed to want to join Similac's #Sisterhood of people who love babies, no matter how we feed them.

"Comments are disabled for this video." heh The Mother 'Hood [giant sic obv] -- Official Video [similac's youtube, via @ftrain]
That'll show'em: Buy Enfamil formula instead [amazon]

January 22, 2015

This is the first explanation of why not to vaccinate your kid that makes any sense.

Of course, it's also from August, so we should be due for some updates?

In other vaccination news, the Disneyland Measles are spreading to cast members, and schools are now ordering unvaccinated kids to stay home in areas of California. This from the one Vacctivist Zero at the Magic Kingdom before Christmas.

Why We Didn't Vaccinate Our Child [nightofthelivingdad via dt reader philip]

January 20, 2015

bonkers_british_buggy_bidders.jpg

The UK has found its next Susan Boyle, and it's a dad of three trying to unload a beat-up Phil & Ted's stroller on eBay. A viral media frenzy has eruptedover seller ukjoel25's auction, which has received 564 inquiries in less than days, and currently includes four pages of questions, comments, and chastisement, with an s. With more than seven days to go, bidding stands at £154,200.

Which he'll never see, of course. He's dreaming a dream his auction would be much better than this hell he's living. No one will follow through, and instead of a quiet, simple Paypal transaction and a quick local pickup, this poor guy's gonna have to endure a bunch of tabloid phonetapping, have TV trucks parked in front of his house all week, and ultimately have go on the UK equivalent of Ellen to get paid, all because he finally listened to his wife last weekend, and started cleaning out the garage.

Seven days more.

Phil and teds green explorer double, current bid £154,200, local pickup only, auction ends Jan 29 [ebay uk via dt reader nathan]

January 19, 2015

wonder_woman_pjs_afv.jpg

Let's face it, now that our entire civilization has been turned into it, one cares about the actual America's Funniest Home Videos anymore.

But I very much WOULD like to see a pair of toddler-sized pajamas with a blurred out Wonder Woman on the front. In fact, entire collections of blurred logo and character merchandise would be most useful in the viral video-based economy of the future [i.e., today and tomorrow].

wonder_woman_pjs_mockup.jpg


Let's get on that, trademark non-infringers!

Centipede Surprise - AFV Prize Winner - AFV [youtube via boingboing]

tree_change_dolls_bratz.jpg

The Tasmanian artist behind Tree Change Dolls rescues dolls from the streets and helps them turn their young lives around. With a gentle make-under and some more fun, age-appropriate clothes, the only scars of their Bratz past are on the inside.

Tree Change Dolls [treechangedolls via jezebel]

crazy_superfan_batmobile_stroller.jpg

Of all the superhero origin stories, none capture the idea of a stable, idyllic, well-adjusted childhood quite like Batman. Which is probably why one fandad spent untold hours making this Dark Knight stroller, using only a car seat, a government surplus riding lawnmower, a cnc machine, and an unwavering desire to appear on reality TV.

To find out how he did it, skip reading to your kid, and turn on basic cable now!

This headline could not be wronger: Prepare To Be Insanely Jealous Of This Toddler's Batmobile Stroller [gizmodo via dt's very own commissioner gordon, rolf]

January 17, 2015

gabrielroth_lots_of_fun.jpg

Indeed. Some internet digging on the "Urban Oasis" visible on the label turns up a toy and accessories company called Nook Nook was havin' a blastselling patchworky stuffed animals on an iBooks bookshelf-lookin' website.

nook_nook_rip.jpg

According to Mari's excited 2011 post at smallforbig,

Each item is handmade by a family-run workshop in Chiang Mai, Thailand and supports the amazing skills inherent to people of the area. The quirky fabric combinations are uber-charming [!! heart emoji smiley face]
Yeah well, looks like the fun ended last fall. Sadface emoji.

a little look at handmade nook nook [smallforbig]
Sept 2014 | nook nook critter dolls! [captured via internet archive]

January 16, 2015

Oh things are piling up; there will be more to freakout about this weekend, just let me get back to my laptop. But even if it were the only one, this first breaking announcement from the world of pediatric development would do the trick:


  • A study of 6- to 24mos show that learning and naptime are linked. Kids learn if they nap after, and don't if they don't. This will be your greatest motivator and your deepest source of stress. Good luck. [pnas.org Via dt guru dt]

  • BPA may have been a baby-brain-damaging chemical in all our plastics and food containers, so there was an outcry, and it has been replaced with BPS, which may be a worse baby-brain-damaging chemical in all our plastics and food containers. [washpost]

  • "A lot of the alternative chemicals have not been adequately tested because they don't have to be," said lead author [on the BPS paper] Deborah Kurrasch. "A compound is considered safe (by the FDA) until proven otherwise." [ibid, also wtf]

  • Villagers in Denmark have agreed to make more babies to keep their amazing public parental and childcare services open in their little towns. [theguardian, via your mom, no pressure, just sayin']

  • The Disneyland Measles are spreading to you and your otherwise desirable demographic. [theguardian]

  • And by you, I mean the wealthy, educated and foolish people who are not getting your kids vaccinated, especially in Southern California, where the cases now total 51. [latimes]

January 14, 2015

paul_revere_whistle_worcester_wiki.jpg

While doing a little research on Paul Revere the other day, I came across this: "His most unusual items were made before the Revolution, when he crafted a chain for a pet squirrel an ostrich egg snuffbox, and a child's whistle."

So far I have not turned up the squirrel leash, but I think this is the kid's whistle above, in the collection of the Worcester Art Museum. It is outfitted with jingle bells, which seems like it'd just add insult to injury; what a horrible, sleep-depriving idea to give a kid both bells and whistles. The red part is apparently coral, and another inventory list of the Worcester collection lists this as a whistle/teething toy. Turns out coral, ivory, and bone were used for teething pacifiers beginning at least in the 16th century. Right around the time some French doctor thought that kids needed their gums lanced so the teeth could break through.

Maybe the whistle was actually meant to drown out the screams.

Whistle & Bells [and Teething Toy], 1795-1800, Paul Revere silver collection, Worcester Art Museum [wikimedia]

Nothing has prepared me--not even blogging about his kid-related designs for 11 years--I tell you nothing has prepared me for the datapoints coming in about Philippe Starck as an actual parent. For example, this bit Simon flagged, which was originally published in the Times of London in 2012:

starck_sex_truffle_lighthouse_times2012.jpg

I woke up with my wife and baby of six months on the small island of Burano in Venice, where we have a lighthouse. We took our breakfast on the terrace of one of the best restaurants in the world, Da Romano. I had one organic apple and fresh pomegranate juice, and a cookie made by the bakery next door. Then I started designing a new, affordable moped.
Burano is a schlep from Venice Venice, but still. Looking into this lighthouse situation, I found this 2008 Men's Vogue article [pdf] on Starck's website. First, it says he has 21 houses, which seems like just too many, even in early 2008. On a purely logistical basis, never mind the economics or ethics. And he has several houses on Burano, because houses on Burano are all tiny. But I think he does not actually own the lighthouse; it's just that there is one. "We have" here refers to "We, the Buranesi." Fine.

But.

"(He has four children from his previous marriages: Ara, 29, Oa, 12, K, 5, and Lago, 4. Their names were all randomly chosen by a computer program that he invented.)"

Philippe Starck invented a baby name generating app. 35 years ago. And as recently as 2003 it was still kickin' out names like K.

January 12, 2015

In other unsettling kid-related artwork news, this PSA-like video from the art collaborative DIS was included in EXPO 1, a sprawling, multi-part exhibition about the future, which was at MoMA PS1 in 2013.

It was part of ProBio, a sub-show that explored "the theme of 'dark optimism' within the context of the human body and technology."

I don't think it's a spoiler to say that there is much belly rubbing.

Emerging Artist from DIS Magazine [vimeo]
Previously, related: From DIS: May We Interest You In Some SHANZHAI BIENNIAL ORIGINALSTM Shoes?

January 10, 2015

ben_hammersley_stokke_medium.jpeg

Matter's Kati Krause has a great talk with writer and new dad Ben Hammersley about work, money, kids, money, marriage and divorce, and money. But there is absolutely no discussion of the Christmas lights Hammersley has apparently wrapped and taped around their Stokke Xplory. Someone stop him on the street and inquire, please. Then let us know.

The Life Behind the Lifestyle Blog [medium, detail of photo by Tom Jamieson]
The Stokke Xplory starts around $999, lights not included [amazon]

January 9, 2015

Here at Daddy Types we don't like to play by publicists' and TV news' rules, stringing you along with one anxiety-inducing science, news, health, and parenting story after another, details tonight at 11, learn how after the break! Parenting's stressful enough. Instead, we bundle them up into one blog post designed to ruin just your weekend. It's called the DT Friday Freakout. And here it is:


  • Measles is spreading. The Disneyland measles outbreak is spreading, as unvaccinated and infected people go to hospitals with long-uncommon-and-almost-entirely-avoidable ailments and gather together to discuss how smart they are for not vaccinating their kids because of something they read once on FB about autism or whatever. [latimes]

  • Oh hey, you know what does cause autism now? Circumcision! It also causes ADHD. Danish doctors say it's related to the lifelong stress impact of a single painful injury. dailymail via dt reader taylor]

  • Reading to your kids makes them read more and have a better vocabulary. [nyt]

  • otage_dad_liberte.jpg
src="http://daddytypes.com/archive/otage_dad_liberte.jpg" width="397" height="536" class="mt-image-center" style="text-align: center; display: block; margin: 0 auto 20px;" />

Here is a dad who had been held hostage along with his son by terrorist gunmen in a kosher grocery store in Paris, so in the scheme of things, maybe your week wasn't so bad after all. [@libdexpression's twitter]

John Waters has another art exhibit at Marianne Boesky Gallery in New York. The theme of this one seems to be gay mid-to-late-life crisis, as the lovable old freak sees the gay world around him succumb to the worst horrors he ever imagined: getting married and having kids.

John_Waters_Bills_Stroller_Boesky.jpg

Here is one sculpture, Bill's Stroller, 2014, an umbrella stroller with leather, spikes, and custom-printed linen, which is an edition of five. Waters recently described it in Artforum:

Bill's Stroller is influenced by Provincetown's Gay Family Week. Bill is my fake son. I had him made. He is an angry baby with bad hair. He was also my Christmas card one year, and people believed my fatherhood was true! The piece is a child's stroller but with leather straps, and printed fabric with logos from all the sex bars that have vanished in New York or San Francisco. I'm trying to pay tribute to the passing of time for an outlaw minority that is now eager to be middle class.
And here is Waters describing Bill in NY Magazine in 2008:
Bill, the fake baby, sits in the living room with a shiny patina of fake saliva on his rather hideous lips. "I told them I wanted an angry baby with bad hair," Waters says.
Which means Bill is like 7yo now? And so might have outgrown the stroller? Perhaps there is now a bratty 1st grader Bill in the living room holding an iPad? They grow up so fast, even the fake ones.

john_waters_baby_nan_goldin.jpg

Anyway, here is a photo of John and Bill, I'm guessing Christmas 2007, which may be the first baby picture I've ever seen by Nan Goldin. I will now have to look into it.

Waters' show Beverly Hills John is on view through Feb. 14 at Marianne Boesky [marianneboeskygallery]
Previously, and suddenly making more sense, timing-wise: Playdate, 2006, by John Waters

January 8, 2015

mickey_randar.gif"You've got the measles! What're you going to do next?"
"I'm going to Disneyland!" From NBC 4:

Disneyland officials issued a health warning for the tens of thousands who visited the theme park during the holidays. A theme park visitor is linked to at least 7 confirmed cases of the measles.
Make that eight, no nine, maybe twelve. Of the nine confirmed measles cases, eight were not vaccinated. Two were too young to be vaccinated yet, which means they are probably under a year old.

This is how vaccines work: they keep people who get them from getting sick, and they also keep people who are not able to get vaccinated from getting sick by decreasing their chances of running into sick people.

Disneyland, California Adventure Linked to Nine Measles Cases [thr]
9 Measles Cases Linked to Disneyland [nbclosangeles]
image: randar.com

January 6, 2015

Ho. Ly. Crap. I go away for ONE week, and this is what happens to the state of newdadwriting? Writer William Giraldi gets paternity leave from Boston University and the only thing he manages to nurture is a drinking problem?

My son was born in March, and my sabbatical went from early May to mid-January, which, in a tidy coincidence, is nearly nine months. But since his care was taken care of by his mother--whose apparent willingness and capacity to do almost everything for him flooded me with awe--I spent those nine months trying not to be bored while not writing a novel that was coming due. (No novelist who recognizes the unholy hardship of writing a novel ever wants to write a novel.) Hey, the proper dose of lager seemed to slacken my body without sapping my mind, and all day long, while I was not-writing my novel and not-feeding my newborn son, I looked forward to those drinks with a religious panting.
Set aside for a moment the possibility that Giraldi's trapped deep in a demonic bottle which distorts his desperate plea for help into a muffled, multilayered satire.

Now read Mallory Ortberg's rewrite on The Toast:

I simply wasn't prepared for what all of this free time would do to me. I had planned, of course, to participate actively as a member of the household and as my wife's partner -- grease the dryer, dust the teakettle, rearrange the cat, and so on -- but then, shortly after I walked in the door, I was tragically trapped under something heavy and have been unable to move from this spot in the living room. No one can move this burden from me, save the pure-hearted seventh son of a seventh son, and I do not believe that such a person exists.

It has been a difficult adjustment, to be sure. Once my wife asked me if I could help clean the floors as long as I was going to be down there anyway.

"I'm sorry, darling," I had to tell her, "but without a job, I -- like many men, including my grandfather before me, who was turned into a cinderblock wall after he retired -- lack the psychic equilibrium to perform basic tasks. Also can you make me a michelada."

Someone needs to put Daddy in a corner. With a mop.

This Brat's For You [thebaffler]
I'd Love To Help My Wife Do The Dishes, But I'm Trapped Under Something Heavy [the-toast.net]
UPDATE from the comments LOL

December 31, 2014

image.jpg

So we met the Tokyo in-laws halfway for New Years, in Hawaii. During the kids' surfing lessons in Lahaina this morning, I snapped this BOB Revolution stroller on the breakwater. The dad of two was there taking surfing photos with one kid in a sling and the other crawling free, so free I thought they were locals. Vancouver, actually, where the Revolution rolls as easily through the snow as it does beach sand and lava boulders. And it's held up great through the second kid, too. Just one persuasive datapoint for you.

check out the BOB Revolution all-terrain stroller in orange or black, around $369 [amazon]

December 28, 2014

anniversary_tripp_trapp_oiled_beech_.jpg

The greatest version of the greatest high chair in the world is for sale. Proceeds will go to charity. You should buy it.

2012 was the 40th anniversary of the Stokke Tripp Trapp, designed in 1972 by Peter Opsvik. It was also the year the Tripp Trapp was featured in The Century of The Child, MoMA's landmark exhibition of children's design, which I helped pull together, and to which Daddy Types loaned stuff.

For the 40th anniversary, Stokke released a beautiful, oiled beechwood version of the Tripp Trapp with matte chrome hardware instead of black steel. With regular reoiling and care, this Tripp Trapp should develop an insanely beautiful patina, and will, after every one of your kids use it, still be ready to pass on to your grandchildren some day. This is the kind of thing you think of when you see the Tripp Trapp, it's that awesome.

So. I never actually saw the Anniversary edition for sale anywhere. Several months after the MoMA show ended, in mid-2012, the manager of my apartment building pulled this Stokke out of a basement storeroom and said, "Oh, I think this is yours." It had been sent to DT, unannounced, from the fine folks at Stokke USA.

stokke_anniversary_chair_dt.jpg

Had the MoMA show still been going, I probably would have posted about it, and Opsvik, but it slipped, then we went on the road, the chair went into storage, and it kind of slipped my mind. A couple of times, I'd think, you know, I'll just dig that out and give it to someone for a baby present. But honestly, it's kind of an extravagant gift, and--no offense to any of our friends--I wasn't sure that most new parents would appreciate just how special this chair was. Whenever I thought of just keeping it, and swapping out our similar-but-standard 10yo Tripp Trapp, which we still use all the time, the pangs of guilt would start to swell. We didn't really need it, and I remembered I felt bad for taking a freebie--even an unsolicited one--AND for not even posting about it.

So when I cleaned and reorganized our storage space, and put our Christmas ornaments away, and saw the Stokke hanging there behind some boxes, I thought this is the time. And eBay is the place.

The chair just went up for auction, and the proceeds will go to the Museum of Modern Art, Bid it up, and if you mention DT when you win it, I'll throw in some other swag, like a daddytype t-shirt or something. Many thanks to Stokke for this awesome high chair, and for many years of high chair awesomeness we've already enjoyed at retail.

UPDATE: Sold to a DT reader, for $239 shipped: a collector's item, a good cause, a good home, and a $10 discount!

The Daddy Types Stokke Tripp Trapp 40th Anniversary Edition high chair, in Oiled Beech, New In Box, opening bid $0.99 (!) plus shipping, auction ends Sun. Jan 4 [ebay]
Buy a regular Stokke Tripp Trapp high chair for around $249, shipped We did, and we love it [amazon]

December 26, 2014

paulsberg_beton_toys.jpg

Here are a gorgeous toy cement mixer and a steamroller from Studio Paulsberg of Dredsen. They are made from actual concrete. The word for concrete in German is Beton, just like in French.

You can learn these words now, but you should probably write them down. When the kid learns to throw, and beans you in the brain with a small handmade concrete toy, you will probably have to start learning the basics like speaking all over again. Assuming you come to at all.

Buy a Petite Rouleau Compressor or a Petite Bétonneuse, in either light or dark concrete, because it's Dresden, and the tone of your concrete matters, for 89,00 € each. Email for int'l shipping. [paulsberg.co via gizmodo thx dt reader rolf]

December 25, 2014

calder_christmas_tree_soth.jpg

In 1942 Alexander Calder was asked by a nurse friend to make some things to cheer up wounded soldiers convalescing in a Staten Island military hospital. One of those things: this awesome Christmas tree, cut from a tin can.

I was reminded of it last week when the Guggenheim posted a photo of another tree Calder made a little later, this time with pears and a partridge in it, for James Johnson Sweeney's 1944 book, Three Young Rats and Other Rhymes.

Calder_12_days_of_christmas_gugg.jpg

The Guggenheim has more images, some background, and a couple of copies of Three Young Rats in their library, but what they don't mention is that it was republished by MoMA in 1946, and has been reissued in various formats over the years, to suit every collector's budget.

From all the folks at Daddy Types, or at least from those I've heard from today, we wish you and your families a joyous and peaceful Christmas Day.

Alexander Calder Tin Can Christmas Tree [greg.org]
Alexander Calder's Three Young Rats and Other Rhymes [guggenheim.org]
Wade through all the various editions of Three Young Rats and Other Rhymes on Amazon, from $9-$1,725 [amazon]

December 23, 2014

herman_hesse_nursery_school_visitor.jpg

Visitor is struck by the 7yo footnote, but it's the one above that gets me: "'Hermann is going to nursery school, his violent temperament causes us much distress.' The child was three years old."


Turns out these are from The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self, the 2008 revised edition of Alice Miller's 1981 book, The Prisoners of Childhood: The Drama of the Gifted Child. It's apparently not about gifted in the bumper sticker way, but about kids who have the depth and resilience to survive abusive and harsh experiences in their early years. The 'gift' in Miller's title is the kid's ability "to feel and ease the emotional insecurities of their mothers, thus gain[ing] her love, and in the process deny[ing] their own desires," according to one Amazon reviewer. Not a light read, apparently.

I guess this is what you can find when you pull a little thread, and Google some quotes from Hermann Hesse's mother's diaries.

Gotta tell you, the CIA onesie, coupled with multiple stories like this about Melville House making a trade version make me want to adapt the Senate Intelligence Committee Report on Torture as a boardbook. Maybe over the Christmas break.

bradheath_fbi_foia_01.png

Maybe the drawings will be a mix of airplane seatback safety card-style diagrams and black & white 3rd generation photocopies of photos with redacted faces. It could be a little bit activity book? Maybe some dry erase coloring pages?

cia_techniques_diagram_afp_det.jpg

It would definitely have to work as an actual boardbook, though, for actual kids, not some grownup stunt. I guess I'm still working it through.

December 21, 2014

Susan Copich's Domestic Bliss photographs look like pathological, dystopian stock photography, a Stepford Cindy Sherman, about as funny as an electrocution in the tub. I hope she makes a million dollars from them.

They've been turning up on various websites who have a more nuanced view of copyright, ranging from the brazenly infringey to the fairest of uses. I was going to post one here, but between the images and this text

All Artworks on this Website are Copyright © by Artist Susan Copich and may not be copied, linked to, distributed, downloaded, modified, reused, reposited, reproduced or otherwise used without express written permission.
Ima take a pass. Also, I wouldn't want to upset her by linking to her site, so you'll have to copy [!!] and paste [!!!!] the url yourself.

Domestic Bliss [susancopich.com via dt reader nathan, who I'm not necessarily saying he included one of the photos as an attachment in an email, because that might be all copyrighty.]

cia_onesie_pakistan.jpg

The Washington Post went shopping at various government agency gift shops, and all I got is this CIA Onesie made in one of the Agency's growth markets: Pakistan. Kind of has a Circle of Life-level warm fuzziness to it, doesn't it? The CIA gift shop is, alas, not open to the public.

There is also a teddy bear with a black leather vest and a DEA logo embroidered to its chest, which seems like a prop in a nature vs. nurture experiment for kinkiness. Have fun with that one.

Gifts of cheer -- from mugs to microbe toys -- from your friends at the FBI, CIA and NIH [washingtonpost]

December 19, 2014

As far as Friday Freakouts go, this is it. It's like having a drought and a flood at the same time. Not coincidentally.

There is a whooping cough wave crashing on California right now. We're closing in on 10,000 cases in 2014, a 24% increase over last year. The cause is unvaccinated yuppy hippy children.

Whose parents read blogs and facebooks and stop vaccinating their children because they hear it causes autism. It does not. Just vaccinate your kids already, or they will get pertussis when it comes around.

But autism? What about autism, you say? AH, BUT AUTISM IS CAUSED BY CARS.

A new Harvard study links increased ASD diagnoses to exposure to particulate matter--airborne pollution--during pregnancy, especially the third trimester.

Which supports a study reported here almost four years ago to the very day--it's beginning to look a lot like Pollution-linked Autism Season!--that found increased likelihood of ASD among kids born to moms who lived near freeways. In California.

Maybe we can start calling it Cartism. Smogtism. LAtism.

California whooping cough epidemic worst in seven decades [cir.ca]
Autism Spectrum Disorder and Particulate Matter Air Pollution before, during, and after Pregnancy: A Nested Case-Control Analysis within the Nurses' Health Study II Cohort [nih.gov via dt freakout senior correspondent dt]

December 18, 2014

Some magic Eames moments from my recent immersion in the archives of esoteric survey:

eames_valastro_jfchen_esotericsurvey.JPG

Here is Baby Valastro perched on the family's red CTM coffee table. The Valastros used their wedding money in 1954 to buy a houseful of Eames furniture, which they lived with for 50 years. JF Chen bought it all, and David Ostroff made a book documenting their modernist life.[pics here]

eames_rooster_esoteric_survey.jpg
And here's a snapshot from an Eames for Kids roundup which I assume is an actual Eames Kid? That does not compute. How old are Lucia's kids? Does this make the giant rooster mask a grandparent project. HAHA, NO, turns out the Eameses made whimsical animal masks for a 1951 LIFE Magazine photoshoot with Allan Grant. These must have been local urchins gathered from the streets and vacant lots of Pacific Palisades. Google is our friend.

Eames / Valastro [esotericsurvey]
Eames / For Kids [ibid]

December 16, 2014

Ellwood-Hunt-House_esotericsurvey.jpg

In 1955-7, Jerrold Lomax, working at Craig Ellwood's architecture firm, designed basically the greatest Southern California modernist beach house ever: the 2BR, 1,350-sq ft Hunt House in Malibu.

Ellwood-Hunt_bunkbed_og.jpg

Ellwood's firm also designed the amazing bunk beds seen above, in vintage photos from Beautiful Homes and Gardens in California.

Whoever grew up sleeping in those beds apparently survived, because the house didn't come up for sale until 2012, which is when the modern design gurus from Esoteric Survey visited, and found the bed was still there, with only the slightest of alterations: a safety rail made from a small piece of wire. Perhaps it was the strut from an old lawn chair, or a coat hanger.

Trina-Turk-Craig-Ellwood_bunkbed.jpg

Here is a contemporary photo of the beds, with Trina Turk linens trying and failing to flatter the bloated mattresses of our day. We really do need to get back to simpler mattress times. If only for the children.

For the full Hunt House Experience: Ellwood - Hunt House | Inside [esotericsurvey]
Craig Ellwood / Trina Turk [esotericsurvey]

Andrew_Hawkins_TAMIR_RICE_Getty.jpg

From Cleveland Browns' Andrew Hawkins' statement to the media yesterday about his wearing a Tamir Rice & John Crawford t-shirt on Sunday, as reported by ESPN:

As you well know, and it's well documented, I have a 2-year-old little boy. The same 2-year-old little boy that everyone said was cute when I jokingly threw him out of the house earlier this year. That little boy is my entire world. And the No. 1 reason for me wearing the T-shirt was the thought of what happened to Tamir Rice happening to my little Austin scares the living hell out of me. And my heart was broken for the parents of Tamir and John Crawford knowing they had to live that nightmare of a reality.
This is exactly what I think about. No parent should ever have to fear this.

Browns WR Andrew Hawkins on wearing protest T-shirt: My heart was in the right place [espncleaveland via tpm]

December 15, 2014

windsor_high_chair_freemans_phl.jpg

This rather awesome Windsor high chair is from Philadelphia c. 1790, and has a very old-looking green painted finish. It sold for $1,375 at Freeman's Pennsylvania Sale last month, so chances are you didn't buy it.

ikea_gulliver_high_chair.jpg

I was going to say you could re-create the look by laying down some kind of Martha Stewart distress painting on an Ikea Gulliver high chair, but I only just now realized it's been discontinued. Craiglist, I guess.

Nov 12, 2014, Lot 213 Green-painted bow-back Windsor high chair, est. $1,500-2,500, sold $1,375 including premium [freemansauction]

December 13, 2014

handsup_dad_lnonblonde.jpg

This just tears me up inside, no kid should have to fear this, and no parent should have to worry so much that they train their kid to not be killed at the hands of the police. [via @petitemaoiste]

December 12, 2014

It looked like a Clickhole story, as so much news does these days, and so I didn't need to click it. But John Hermann traced the link chain of "This Mom Eats A Roll Of Toilet Paper Every Day" backwards, from the New York Post, as it circled the globe, to--

You know, why break the chain? Republish this unfactcheckable paid nonsense from some British online backwater to seven blogs or social media sites, and in two weeks you will receive Paypals for up to £2,000!

I will say that I was surprised it has been presented as a vestigial pregnancy craving, though. Did not see that coming.

Holes Filled [theawl]

wilton_house_trainset_woi.jpg

Sometimes one cannot improve on the copy one is presented with, and so one just runs with it:

Few boys get to play with their model train set surrounded by exquisite hand-painted Chinese wallpaper, but that was the backdrop for William Herbert, 18th Earl of Pembroke - an upstairs room at Wilton House. Constructed three decades ago in a labour of love by the family butler, the railway is soon to be handed on to the next in line, the two-year-old Lord Herbert. See more in the January issue of The World of Interiors. Photography: Simon Upton.
Also, plywood. Also, "South West Bedroom".

World of Interiors FB [facebook]
Wilton House [wiltonhouse.co.uk]

December 11, 2014

adventure_time_christmas_sweater-1.jpg

The grown-up sized Adventure Time Christmas sweater is sold out at Forbidden Planet; the Cartoon Network is only sending them to media people they want to suck up to, like the fine folks at Anorak Magazine.

adventure_time_christmas_sweater-2.jpg

But there is still a kid-size version available. In ONE size, called ONE. Whether that size is blanket-like enough to swaddle a pair of twins, or so tiny your kindergartner ends up with a bare midriff is not important. Just buy it.

Adventure Time Christmas Jumper - RED - Child - Medium, Web Price £29.99 plus one million dollars international shipping, I have no idea, send it to Anorak and have them forward it on [forbiddenplanet via @anorakmagazine]

December 9, 2014

ganked pacman win from andy baio on medium

Oh man, Andy Baio just won video game parenting.

If you have a kid, why not run experiments on them? It's like running experiments on a little clone of yourself! And almost always probably legal.

It's disappointing how many people have children and miss this golden opportunity...My original plan was to raise him thinking he was living in a computer simulation, but sadly, my wife vetoed it. And any other potentially harmful, but funny, life-altering scenarios.

But I managed to sneak one in anyway.

My son Eliot was born in 2004 -- the year of Half-Life 2, Doom 3, and the launch of the Nintendo DS. By the time he was born, video games were a $26B industry.

I love games, and I genuinely wanted Eliot to love and appreciate them too. So, here was my experiment:

Start with the arcade classics and Atari 2600, from Asteroids to Zaxxon. After a year, move on to the 8-bit era with the NES and Sega classics. The next year, the SNES, Game Boy, and classic PC adventure games. Then the PlayStation and N64, Xbox and GBA, and so on until we're caught up with the modern era of gaming.

Would that child better appreciate modern independent games that don't have the budgets of AAA monstrosities like Destiny and Call of Duty? Would they appreciate the retro aesthetic, or just think it looks crappy?

This is so much greater than the Which Order Do I Show The Kid Star Wars? experiment.

Playing With My Son -- Andy Baio [medium]

kindermodern_patinator_nyt.jpg

It feels like more of a Style section piece, or maybe a Home section feature about product lines and Stuff, but even though there are no prices or renovation costs, the NY Times has put this nice story about Kinder Modern's Lora Appleton in the Real Estate section.

What stands out for me, though, is not Adam Stegner's Pagholz molded ply chair, or the blue-stained McCobb dresser--it must have been in really bad shape, so why not??--it's that at Kinder Modern you can buy your kid's vintage with confidence, knowing that each piece has had its patina tested and professionally enhanced by Appleton's 5yo son Willem. #servicey.

At Lora Appleton's Place, the Living Is Rambunctious [nyt]
Previously:OG French School Desk at Kinder Modern

December 8, 2014

jim_heimbach_viking_cradle.jpg

When Sonoma County woodworker Jim Heimbach found out his son and daughter-in-law were expecting their first kid, and he himself had no commissions at the moment, he decided to make them a cradle. And he was inspired by his daughter-in-law's Norwegian heritage--and the movie The Legend of Roan Inish--to make a cradle shaped like a Viking longboat.

The cradle, designed and produced in Claro walnut, was not completed before the kid was, so it only saw a couple of months' use. Instead of what, three months? Come on, people, this is a cradle we're talking about! The most useless thoughtful piece of furniture in the entire kid furniture repertoire!

But that's OK, because they're having another kid, and the cradle's been saling around picking up awards at fairs and woodworking competitions and such, and Heimbach has refined it by adding rare earth magnets in the base to keep it from rocking too much. And now it's available to order for like $9000 and change. You'll want to watch the lead time.

And you're all done with babies you can light it on fire and send it out into the lake, Viking-style.

Lake County wood artist's Viking-inspired cradle wows [pressdemocrat via AJ of thingamababy, bring that sucker back!]
The Story of "An Enchanted Cradle" [workerinwood.com]

December 7, 2014

amazon_elements_diapers_comp.jpg

Well, they've gone and done it. They've finally gone and done it.

After building an awesome diapers-in-the-mail business, then buying Diapers.com, and introducing subscriptions, and Amazon Mom [sic, obv], Amazon has finally unveiled its own brand of diapers and wipes.

Amazon Elements diapers are made by Irving Personal Care, the largest diaper manufacturer in Canada, which is owned by JD Irving, the largest privately held company in Canada, which makes them the Koch Brothers of Canada, minus the political controversies.

costco_kirkland_diapers.jpg

All of which is beside the point, I guess. What matters is quality and cost, right? Quality, who knows, but cost, well, they're only available to Amazon Prime members. So that's $99. And if you subscribe, via Amazon Mom, for more than five months, Amazon Elements diapers cost about 19 cents each. Which is as much as Huggies at Costco, which cost the same as Kirkland diapers, which are made by Huggies' conglomerate Kimberly-Clark.

Otherwise, the retail prices are close to other diapers on Amazon. So we're right back where we were. Everyone's been pitching this as a direct attack on the big diaper brands, which, sure, Amazon is a formidable competitor.

But you can subscribe to Pampers for almost the same price. The direct competition here is to a big membership retailer like Costco. That's Prime. And Amazon just wants you to subscribe.

Personally, I am skeptical of the convenience of subscription purchasing, for diapers or whatever. I am also not thrilled with it business-wise, and don't really promote it, because Amazon gives DaddyTypes a small cut of purchases made through ads and affiliate links here, but not for subscriptions. Also, HELLO, at this point AMAZON MOM as a concept is just trolling me and every dad out there. I guess I am a Costco Dad and proud of it. Even though they don't pay DT anything.

Check out Amazon Elements diapers and wipes at Amazon, obv [amazon]
Compare and shop for all sorts of diapers on Amazon [amazon]
Amazon Unveils Its Own Line of Diapers, Confirming Partners' Biggest Fears [recode]

December 6, 2014

Apparently there's a breastfeeding in public dustup in the UK right now? Where Ukip, the local reactionary, nativist political party, objects to the present not being the past? Who would like to return England to the good old days when mums fed their babies opium on the factory floor, so they wouldn't disrupt the shift? I don't know why I'm typing in uptalk, I guess it's to try and sound like an incredulous Scot amazed that we're still saddled with this pack of hooligans?

Anyway, Women Against Ukip, made this convenient sign, suitable for posting in restaurants and pubs:

ukip_lactivist_sign.jpg

[@jjohnstonmezzo via dt reader josh]

December 5, 2014

parents_mag1970_langealexandra.jpg
Parents Magazine, July 1970, via alexandra lange for saturatedspace

As part of her tireless mission to lead our culture out of the Pink & Purple Is For Girls wilderness, Alexandra Lange has written an essay on the historical shifts in kids' color coding for Saturated Space, the color & design blog for the Architecture Association School of Architecture. It is titled, "Blue is for Blondes," which it apparently was at one point.

In other eras, Lange writes, kids were color coded by age, not gender. When industrially produced cotton and bleach and washing machines happened, white became the color of sanitary, hygienic nurseries.

She provides more context to the situation that's always baffled me: how and when bright primary McDonaldland colors took over in the 60s or 70s or 80s or whenever. That said, we could probably use some sharp thinking about the desaturated, greige Restoration Hardware hellscape we're teetering on the edge of right now, too, before we end up raising the next generation of extras for The Hunger Games.

Blue is for Blondes [saturatedspace.org, warning issuu alert]

December 4, 2014

The CDC recently released a recommendation that circumcision leads to lower HIV infection rates in men.

Noted man and intactivist Andrew Sullivan is not having it--the rationale, that is, not circumcision, though I assume he is also not having that--and he finds several nontrivial concerns with the basis for the CDC's announcement.

Though it regularly pains me to agree with him, usually for strident stylistic reasons, I find Sullivan's arguments here persuasive, or at least worth considering. If I were charged with deciding fate of some other man's foreskin, Sullivan's critique would diminish the potency of the government's recommendation for me.

Wherever you stand on the issue, though, the official Daddy Types position on whether to circumcise your kid remains the same: ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT FIRST, THEN MAYBE WAIT AND LET THE KID DECIDE.

The CDC vs Penises [andrewsullivan]

Here is a YouTube video of some American folks in Capetown, South Africa, and the dad who guts a dead shark on the beach to release three pups, who then get put into the water.

The video is sped up, the audio is not. And there is karmically soothing music laid over the whole thing. This YouTube user uploaded the video two days ago, but they are not the source. Their channel is filled with inspiringly viral videos on many subjects, only some of which are shark-, whale- or sea-related. In looking for the original video, I see that there are now dozens of copies of this video, from all manner of bandwagoning accounts.

And there are other videos of pregnant sharks being sliced open on beaches and boat decks. Here is a video from 2011 of some folks fishing in Florida, who brought in a shark, and then delivered the pups back to the sea:

Oh here is a video from two weeks ago, where instead of "GOOD SAMARITANS," we have "Idiots" who kill the pregnant shark, cut off its fin, and leave dozens of babies to flop around in the sand. That guy also liked the shark c-section video above. Maybe they know each other from some Pregnant Animal Planet Channel convention somewhere. The world is an amazing and confounding place in every possible regard.

DEAD SHARK GIVES BIRTH TO 3 BABY SHARKS WITH HELP OF GOOD SAMARITAN ON THE BEACH [youtube]

December 3, 2014

The National Health Service has issued new guidelines recommending that births in low-risk pregnancies would be better handled by midwives than in hospitals. This recommendation applies for up to 45% of pregnancies in the UK.

The UK is a country where health care is provided to everyone in the country via a national health care service called the National Health Service. Though they do speak English there, they have different words for many things, funny-looking money, and a queen. And they drive on the wrong side of the road.

For all these and many other reasons, the concept of a national health care system and wider use of midwives for low-risk pregnancies are uncomfortably foreign and unsuitable for the United States, which prides itself on paying for epidurals, cesareans, and episiotomies, though a network of for-profit hospitals, medical technology firms, and insurance companies.

Yeah, capitalism!

Low-risk pregnant women urged to avoid hospital births [guardian]

December 2, 2014

gold_cayenne_brentwood_hydeordie.jpg

People in Brentwood know a thing or two about restraint and good taste. pic.twitter.com/fLlbddhMHU

— hydeordie (@hydeordie) December 3, 2014

I just--there are no words. No words. [via @hydeordie]

HAHAHA UPDATE THERE ARE WORDS: DT princelings correspondent jjdaddy-o suggests the Cayenne is probably just the daily driver for a Chinese college student. Which, support US vinyl wrap jobs, obv:

tiny_modernism_shirts.jpg

Archinect is running a giveaway for Tiny Modernism, the architecture-themed onesie sublabel of Alex & Kaori Walter's Belly Sesame kids clothing collection.

To win, all you need to do is, by Dec. 8, "tell us which dream combination of any four architects (dead or alive) would adorn your t-shirt." Go ahead and enter if you want, if the winner isn't

Kazuyo&
Denise&
Eileen&
Charlotte,

the fix is obviously in.

I heartily approve of a Nakagin Tower t-shirt, though, for kids of all genders who want to live alone in deteriorating futuristic pods:

mini_capsule_tower_tee.jpg

Win a Tiny Modernism 'designer shirt' for your future architects [archinect via @langealexandra]
Tiny Modernism merch for tiny men [sic], $25 [tinymodernism]
Belly Sesame other graphically designed kidswear [bellysesame]

bandit_gokart.jpg

As the entire plot of Smokey and the Bandit revolves around the Bandit picking up Sally Field, who is the runaway bride of Sheriff Buford T. Justice's son, and this Smokey and the Bandit go-kart has but one seat, I just don't understand what kind of interest it would have to the community of child Bandit historical re-enactors. Best to let the Burt Reynolds fanbois duke it out amongst themselves.

Property From The Life and Career of Burt Reynolds, Lot 324 of 676: SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT GO-KART, est. $600-800, current bid $2,500, auction ends Dec.11 [julienslive via dt kiddie car guru dt]

November 29, 2014

sunday_slacker_onesie.jpg

I will confess, I've had this screencap of the Sunday Slacker Onesies on my desktop for months now--since May!--scavenged from my Twitter feed, unblogged about. I just literally could not even.

And I still can't. But then yesterday someone else tweeted about their giant onesie. Someone I never would have imagined would even.

So I clicked through. And there is a thing called "#SocialCurrency" that lets you "Pay with your followers!" Apparently I have been pimped out by someone I barely know for a grownup-sized infant pajama from Norway.

Well if this is how the Gerber Infant Clothing Company's trademark on the term Onesie is going to be destroyed, tossed into a Norwegian pit of Idiocratic slacker fire, with a trademark on the name OnePiece to arise from its ashes, that's fine, but I want no part of it.

LOLOLOL: "OnePiece® Jumpsuits - The Norwegian Original Onesie...The OnePiece name, jumpsuits and logo are registered trademarks and designs of OnePiece Jump In AS" [no link, are you kidding me?]

November 28, 2014

ipotty_wtf.jpg

"Deal is 58% Claimed". [amazon via kottke]

Friends don't let friends buy Amazon Black Friday deals. For themselves. But they might buy them for their friends' baby showers. Or for their brothers who just had a kid. Just sayin'.

Three Minutes Later Update: "Deal is 62% Claimed".

An Hour Later Update: The pace has slowed a bit, but "Deal is 75% Claimed". #knowfear

And Four Hours And 35 Minutes Later Update It is done. "Deal is 100% Claimed".

Morning After Update: OK, it's time for a reckoning. You who bought the iPotty for $9.99 yesterday, please show yourselves. Who are you? What was your thinking there? Will you fill the bowl with ice and use it as an iPad stand with built-in cooler? Think of the children; we need to know.

November 27, 2014

candykirby_balloon_dog_leggings.jpg

The Jeff Koons retrospective has closed, the Whitney Museum has packed up and moved downtown. And so the balloon dog-covered leggings from Candy Kirby are on sale, for 40% off.

organic cotton leggings in balloon dog, $22.80 0-3mo to 4T [candykirbydesigns via dt hero @langealexandra]

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